F O C U S

So, today is an ADD day...

I am supposed to be getting ready for the street fair tomorrow. I had a whole list of stuff in my head that I could put together to add to my things to sell. I was going to finish sewing up a bunch of stuff. I even got up really early to get a good start on the day.

But, what have I done so far?

Well, I played on the computer for a long time, trying to download some music and find the sheet music for some things I wanted to try on the piano. After that was successful, I played the piano for a while. Then, I ate some watermelon.

Then, I finished one thing off my list.

Then, I had to check my email. Then, I had to check etsy, and make some changes to my page. Then, I cut some oilcloth for an order.

Then, I took a nap.

Then, I ate a tomato sandwich and some cilantro lime chips for lunch. I made the mistake of eating my lunch outside, so since it's such a beautiful day.....I didn't want to come back inside, so I stayed outside and did stuff for a while.

Then, I finished another thing on my list.

Then, Jen called and I talked to her for a few minutes, but it set me off track, so I wandered around for a bit, thinking about what to do next. And I ate some more watermelon.

Then, I thought I should check my email again. And, here I am.

So freakin' productive.

Me

Apparently I have this obsession that is really annoying to my family and friends.....

(well, probably more than one, but.....)

When I get a new CD, or album on my ipod, and I like it, I listen to it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over......and a few more times. Until I find the next one.... That's just the way I am. I get attached to it and can't stop listening. This is especially intense when the music is really really good.

I can't say why this is. I just get the music in my head, and in my soul, and I can't get enough. I HAVE to hear it. I guess it's hard for non-musical people to understand. Maybe it's the fact that I can understand and appreciate the talent it takes to produce good music. Or, maybe I just like getting lost in the music.

Whatever the reason, this is the way I am. I love music and I can't go without it. And I can't listen without singing along. Perhaps I am obsessed with it. But to me, that's okay.

Gentle Reminders

Tomorrow is my 26th birthday.

It is funny, because when I think back to when I was younger, my life plan was to be married by age 22 and have at least 4 kids.

So far, I'm failing miserably at that plan.

Nice.

Oh Bother.....

I think I have a new hobby.

Insomnia.

It's where I stay up up up and do stuff until I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. Then I go to bed and lie there. But, I don't sleep. No, that would be logical. I just lie there and think and think and think. And I roll over once in a while. Sometimes the dog lies on me.

I am so tired! But, for some reason, when my body says it's time to sleep, my mind disagrees.

This is not a good thing.

Tonight, instead of going to bed, I am going to try staying where I am when I get really tired. Maybe I'll just fall asleep there. Like at the sewing machine or while I'm getting a drink in the kitchen...you never know when sleep will strike.

"9 Reasons Prison Is Better Than Your Office"

This was the headline of a junk email that I got this morning. I found it funny. But, here are my 9 reasons:

9. Free food
8. Free time
7. No agonizing over what to wear...orange or orange?
6. Your enemies are kept from you by iron bars instead of cubicles or office walls
5. There's TV
4. There's a library
3. Free healthcare (even if it is crappy)
2. No deadlines
1. You don't have to answer the phone

Meanderings.

I was thinking today about who might actually read this blog.

I mean, the blogs I read are things I found while searching for random stuff. Or, they are people I know. But...why would someone read mine?

I guess no one really knows it's out there. But, to me it seems strange to just be like 'hey....read my blog.' to people. Especially since I don't ever say anything very interesting. It's more just a journal, I suppose. If someone does come across it, they will either laugh...or die of boredom before reaching the end of a post.

Sometimes I feel like my mind is on overdrive and I can't make it slow down. Of course, it's usually late at night when I'm trying to sleep....not a good time for me to just whip out the laptop and start hammering away on blogger. But, sometimes I think....hey, I could blog....that might help my mind untwist.

Recently, I've been thinking that I might have ADD. My dad has it. The more my mom points out his symptoms, I think 'I have that too.' I'm just way better at hiding it. (At least I think I am) It really would explain why I hated school so much. No one could ever understand that. "You're so smart. You get such good grades. Why don't you like school?"

F O C U S ....this is my problem. I think in school, I got good grades because it wasn't hard and didn't take much effort. I can't say I ever enjoyed it all that much. I just did the work to get it done and move on. But, in college, when it got hard, and I had to focus, I just couldn't (or wouldn't) do it.

Now, I still have the same problem, except there are no grades depending on it. Luckily I have a job where I can meander around and still get stuff done. I don't even work on my hobbies for more than a little bit of time before I wander off for one reason or another.

I used to make fun of other people for this. Now, it's really not all that funny to me. I just wish I could fully accomplish something. If it's a big project, I probably won't even try, because I know I'll wander off somewhere in the middle. And then, I'll hate myself for not finishing it. Plus, there's the whole perfectionism thing that I can never satisfy....but I'll save that to untwist later.

And on that note....good night.

Freakin' Computer

So, for the last few weeks at work, I have been having problems with my computer at work. First of all, it's archaic. Second, it's .....well, it's just archaic.

Then, I got a virus. Know how I got a virus?? I was shopping for fabric on the internet. That's it. Nothing shady or illegal. Just wanted to buy some cute fabric to make some bags to sell on etsy. And....BAM -- 'your computer is infected...'

So, I spend most of last week trying to fix it myself, something I will shamelessly say I suck at. Meanwhile, the sad computer is getting sicker and sadder, and by now barely functions. I cannot access Quickbooks, which pretty much IS my job. I have to do payroll by hand.....Does anyone is this generation realize how tedious this is?

So, I break down and call for help.

During one of my many lunchtime runs to Hardee's (I know -- bleh), I noticed a sign that said "One Geek." Something about computer repair. I figure...'hey, they can fix my piece of cra- er, computer!' So, I call and make an appointment.

Of course, this is Wednesday afternoon. We are leaving in the morning to go camping. So, it must wait till Monday.

Monday comes and with it, my 'geek' to fix the computer. He was super-nice and super-smart, and was able to subdue the evil virus. (Plus, he smelled really really good, which is never a bad thing) Of course, it did not sit well with my self esteem that I'm pretty sure he is younger than me.

Geez! When did I get this old?!

Anyway, back to the computer....
Well, the virus was gone, but Quickbooks was still troubling me. I couldn't get on the server (which we have NO password for?!). The 'geek' returned today (even after 'he who must not be named' was rude to him on the phone) and fixed the Quickbooks. But, he told me that the computer will pretty much die soon....it will just stop working. Great.

So, on the positive side of things, I will get a new computer for my office. Unfortunately, it may take Dad 7-10 months to actually make a decision to buy one......by which time I'll be stealing a computer from another office. Or, have died a slow death from impatience.

At least I still have my sewing machine.

Heavenly Squash

This morning, I woke up thinking about something someone said to me yesterday. I liked it, so it stuck in my mind.

At church, a friend and I were talking about gardening, as we often do. I am pretty much in awe of her gardening abilities and knowledge. She is very wise. Yesterday, she was saying how much hard work it is to keep her garden up...her husband always says, "Why do it?" She always says, " I just love it."

Then she said, " I always hope that when I get to heaven it will be my job to work in the garden."

She giggled when she said it, but later I thought about what a joyful statement that was. The bible says we will have jobs in heaven. So, she figured it couldn't hurt to hope for one she loves so much on earth!

The thought makes me smile.

In Loving Memory...

For those of you who actually read this......and might be wondering.....

My dog, Erma Bee passed away on Tuesday, July 29th, at 12:30 pm.

I believe it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. But, I couldn't bear the thought of her suffering. She couldn't rest, and her breathing was so shallow. She just paced and paced, and her feet kept slipping out from under her. She didn't want to eat. The vet said we could try stronger pain pills but she kept throwing up the ones we already had.

So, with indescribable pain in my heart, I made the decision to end her pain.

I cried for days. Literally. (And now I'm crying again...)

We brought her home and buried her under the big tree in the back yard.

You know, I never really thought that animals went to heaven when they died. Some people don't believe they even have souls. But, I know Erma had a soul, and a personality, and emotions and feelings. And, when I think about all the good that pets bring into people's lives, and the love they give, I have to wonder whether they just might be there when we get to heaven.

If Erma is there now, I'm sure she is barking with joy, running down the streets of gold, her ears flapping in the wind. :)