I was thinking today about who might actually read this blog.
I mean, the blogs I read are things I found while searching for random stuff. Or, they are people I know. But...why would someone read mine?
I guess no one really knows it's out there. But, to me it seems strange to just be like 'hey....read my blog.' to people. Especially since I don't ever say anything very interesting. It's more just a journal, I suppose. If someone does come across it, they will either laugh...or die of boredom before reaching the end of a post.
Sometimes I feel like my mind is on overdrive and I can't make it slow down. Of course, it's usually late at night when I'm trying to sleep....not a good time for me to just whip out the laptop and start hammering away on blogger. But, sometimes I think....hey, I could blog....that might help my mind untwist.
Recently, I've been thinking that I might have ADD. My dad has it. The more my mom points out his symptoms, I think 'I have that too.' I'm just way better at hiding it. (At least I think I am) It really would explain why I hated school so much. No one could ever understand that. "You're so smart. You get such good grades. Why don't you like school?"
F O C U S ....this is my problem. I think in school, I got good grades because it wasn't hard and didn't take much effort. I can't say I ever enjoyed it all that much. I just did the work to get it done and move on. But, in college, when it got hard, and I had to focus, I just couldn't (or wouldn't) do it.
Now, I still have the same problem, except there are no grades depending on it. Luckily I have a job where I can meander around and still get stuff done. I don't even work on my hobbies for more than a little bit of time before I wander off for one reason or another.
I used to make fun of other people for this. Now, it's really not all that funny to me. I just wish I could fully accomplish something. If it's a big project, I probably won't even try, because I know I'll wander off somewhere in the middle. And then, I'll hate myself for not finishing it. Plus, there's the whole perfectionism thing that I can never satisfy....but I'll save that to untwist later.
And on that note....good night.
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